


The kids are not alright (but they're working on it, so shut up).

by Lilylotusbud



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Amy Malone is still nuttier than squirrel shit, F/M, Fluff and Angst, He's in luuurrrvveee, Humor, Liam's not a dick, Liam's still got a thing for calves, Rae's got amazing calves, Romance, with a certain music obsessed someone
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 08:48:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12128850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilylotusbud/pseuds/Lilylotusbud
Summary: “I’ve always been fucked up, Rae,” He ran a tired hand down his face, shaky from his attack, “And… now it’s just fucking old; it’s exhausting, bullshitting and raging like I’m okay when I’m not. I’ve got to stop fucking about and screwing up my life, you know? I want to change for myself.” He looked at her, and she looked back, all doe-eyes and wild dark hair. “For you.”He didn’t expect to fall madly in love with Alarm Girl, but really, how could he fucking not have? She was… Rae. And Liam knew what he was. He was the arsehole who cursed, punched, and snarked his way through life just to make it easier to get out of his own head. He lived in a constant state of rage most of the time.There was nothing and no one in the world who could have succeeded in making him truly happy, not really. Not until Rae. Rae Earl with her soft eyes and kind words, with her crippling insecurities that no one but herself believed and her endearing (if not slightly obsessive) arguments that boy bands were everything wrong with today’s music.He wasn’t worthy of her, but he sure as hell could give it a go at trying to be.AU in which Liam isn’t a dickhead, and he actually tries to work on his problems. Set in 2017.





	The kids are not alright (but they're working on it, so shut up).

There was nothing like a good cigarette to start off your day. Well, it was a terrible thing, really, for your health. But, what was life without a little shittiness in even the smallest of joys, right?

The curly-haired young man took a long drag of the fag in his hand. The following breath that was released fanned out like a fog in front of his face.

It was the first day back at college for Liam, and he couldn’t find it in himself to give two-shits about any of it. He’d been here for a long fucking while, and Jesus, how he’d longed for the end to be nigh already. It’d been a fine day when his mum threatened to throw him out on his arse if he’d gotten himself kicked out of this school like he’d had with all the others, and that had been two years ago. This was his last year. Halle-fucking-lujah, blessed Christ almighty, and all that shite.

‘ _Don’t fuck about this year, got it? I’ve had enough bullshit of yours to last me lifetimes!’_ Were the kind words his mother dearest had thrown at him just before he went out the door.

Liam snorted to himself (although not with the cig in his mouth, because he wasn’t a total fucking idiot) and shook his head.

Ah, but no matter what he always fucked about, going past the edge of too far and back ‘round to start the cycle of so called ‘bullshit’ all over again. Some adults called him ‘trouble’, but Liam liked to think that the trouble was, really, that some people just couldn’t get over the fact that he would act the way he fucking wanted to act. He did the things he did for a reason. He said what he thought; he mouthed off to teachers solely because they were being utter twats to their students. He had morals, you know.

Hatred bubbled up from the pit of his stomach and seeped into his veins, thick and hot like syrup. He blew a cloud of smoke out of his nose in irritation, tossing his finished fag onto the ground.

He lashed out in anger at people because most of the time they _deserved it_ , didn’t they? Everyone at this fucking cesspit of patronizing tossers and hormone-hyped teens they called a school. They were the ones who acted like they were on top of the world, and he and the rest of the mental fuck-ups were so far below them in the dirt. They were the ones who pushed their misplaced ideals onto each other. It was their problem, not his, even if majority of the population considered him an arsehole for saying so.

Besides, at least even they could admit that he was a consistent arsehole, rather than a one-off one. Wasn’t consistency an attribute to a responsible and capable grown man?

Liam look around himself, fingers tapping impatiently on his thigh as they itched for another cigarette to light.

It was a cool, cloudy day in Stamford; the trees looked a saturated green and the air was damp and heavy. Most days were the same here, the kind of days that did Liam’s head in because of the way they dragged on into monotony.

The young man slapped his hands on his jeans. Another cigarette wouldn’t hurt then, fuck it. He ran a hand roughly through his hair, the other reaching into his jeans for his pack of Mayfairs. He’d barely gotten one out, before the door to the fire-exit next to him burst open with a loud _slam_.

Liam wasn’t sure why exactly there was a girl who came flying out of the doorway like a flame was lit under her arse, but — he thought, as his eyes flicked to her form — _fuck_ if he was to argue. She was a bigger lass, all soft curves clad in an ensemble of dark clothing. Liam licked his lips, eyes flicking down to her feet and trailing up leisurely, indulging in the sight before him.

She was shorter than him by a long bit, body compact and luscious in a way that had his eyes lingering; she had fantastic legs, big thighs and perfectly curved calves ( _Mmm_ ). She wore a simple outfit, but he was surprised and impressed when he saw an Oasis top underneath the leather of her jacket. Her hair was dark, strokes of ink tumbling up over her backpack and down again in soft waves — she’d tied it back from her face, but some strands had fallen out (Liam assumed due to her theatric entrance) and fell wild about her face. Her eyes were wide and unfocused, panicked. They were green.

Mystery Girl stared out into space, panting as her eyes flickered to the trees on the other side of the lawn. After awhile, the tautness in her form relaxed, breathing slowing as her clouded eyes began to gain some clarity.

Unfortunately for her, no sooner had she started to calm down had the school’s fire alarm gone off. Thankfully it wasn’t loud enough kill their ears, but Liam had a feeling Mystery Girl wasn’t paying attention to the volume, judging by the horrified look on her face. She whipped around, mortification settling in her expression. 

“Oh, fuck.” She breathed.

Liam snorted quietly to himself. Hell if he wasn’t impressed about the mouth she had on her.

“Oh, fuck, indeed.” He placed his fag between his lips and lit it, lifting his eyes just in time to catch hers. Large, doe-like green eyes stared at him in shame and embarrassment.

She blushed a pretty pink and gestured awkwardly at the door. “It… It was an accident, I swear.”

The girl was looking at him, cheeks flushed as she fidgeted with the sleeves of her shirt. Now that he could see them clearly, her eyes were indeed very, very green, with shades of yellow when the sunlight hit them. They were big and pleading, as if she was trying to silently beg him not to tell anyone about her sin.

“Sure it was,” Liam smirked. He gave her a little mock-salute for good measure, just to be a bit a of a dick.

The girl’s eyes slid to the cigarette dangling from his mouth. Her brow furrowed. “Are you allowed to smoke out here? I thought it was banned.”

_Ah, a rule follower then. Well, aside from the alarm tripping, he supposed._

“Yeah, well,” Liam raised an eyebrow, releasing a long cloud of smoke. He paused for a second, purposely widening his eyes and slowing sliding them to look at her, “Are you allowed to ‘accidentally’,” He indicated the air-quotes with his fingers, “Set off the fire alarm? That’s pretty out of bounds if you ask me.”

The girl blinked like an owl and then nodded, turning her gaze back to the trees, “Touchè.”

Liam got the feeling that she was off in her own mind at the moment, and wasn’t really paying an absurd amount of attention to anything outside of it. Not that he could blame her. He’d done the same thing and had been a lot more rude about it too. 

Liam snickered to himself, peering at her from the corner of his vision. “You look right terrified, Alarm Girl.”

Alarm Girl frowned, looking back to him, green eyes flickering with annoyance. “That’s not my name.” 

“Don’t care. You’ve not got a name tag on, have you?”

“Do people normally wear name tags in college, ‘Oh Great One’?”

“Only when they’re so particular with their fucking names, yeah.”

“Has anyone told you that you’re really rude?” Her Stamford accent got thicker when she was irritated. Liam liked seeing a fire in those doll-eyes — he smirked inwardly — it was always the quiet ones who had the biggest tempers, wasn’t it?

Liam shrugged, “I’ve oft been called a ‘right wanker’, yeah. It’s… not _not_ a regular thing.”

That made her laugh. She smiled closed lipped, shy and reserved, amused despite her embarrassment. Liam liked that. Could get used to a pretty bird smiling at him like that. But, alas…

“Better haul ass then, Alarm Girl.” He said, jerking his head forward in a ‘go on’ gesture. “They’ll come running for the culprit any minute now, accident or no. And they won’t be kind considering — and don’t take this the wrong way — but, you’ve sort of rather largely fucked up.” She gave him a look that was less than amused, a ‘no shit, really’ sort of expression that had Liam snorting back his chuckle, before jerking his head again, “Go now, run along like a good duckling.”

She frowned again, mouthing to herself: ‘duckling?’. Liam hid his smile from her.

He took a drag from his fag, “Nice shirt by the way.” He didn’t look up at her face, but he heard her startled ’thanks’, as if she wasn’t sure if he was taking the piss out of her or not, and then she was off. Liam raised his gaze and watched her walk briskly into the distance.

Her hips swayed just right, jutting out from left to right because of her speed. Jaysus those hips. He grinned.

Well… this year wasn’t off to such a bad start, was it?

He inhaled another mouthful of fragrant smoke, basking in the feeling of it as his eyes traced Alarm Girl’s back.

No. Not bad at all.

* * *

 

Rae imagined that as far as first days at sixth-form college went, her’s couldn’t have been a bigger fallen-tits-up-into-the-turd experience.

The dark haired girl sighed tiredly, tugging at her backpack strap in defeat. Her sneakers squeaked against the linoleum floors of the hospital psychiatric ward hallway. If one had taken a look at her expression and posture, the word they’d use to describe her would be: ‘depressed’ or perhaps: ‘miserable’.

It had started out as an alright morning. Chloe had delivered a tea to her first thing when they got into her new car to head to the school — ‘ _To help calm you down. Babe, I love you, but you look like a doe headed to the slaughterhouse, for fuck’s sake.’_ — and Rae could’ve kissed her for her kindness. It’d been a really difficult couple of days, and Chloe always knew what to do to help her, even if she was a bit blunt in her comfort.

Then there was Archie, and thank the merciful gods in the skies for the wonderful lad he was. When they’d pulled up to the car-park in Chloe’s bentley, there he had been, waving at them from his renovated truck, all sunshine and dimples.

He’d given her a hug, squeezed her tight before saying: “You’ll be just fine, Chief. Just stay low, and if anyone gives you a hard time just give us a text, yeah?”

 _“_ And you’ll come whisk me away like my knight in shining armor, aye, Arch?” She’d tried for light-hearted humor, but the quietness of her voice and lack of enthusiasm gave away the apprehension she was feeling.

Thankfully, Archie just laughed and nodded, “Anything for you, milady.” He smiled cheekily, secretively, _“_ You’re absolute top, Rae Earl. Just don’t let any of these bastards know it; I’d like to keep your top-ness to myself.”

Rae had finally smiled at that. God, he was the best male mate she’d ever had. She’d held his hand and squeezed, knowing that he needed comfort just as much, if not more so, than her.

 _“_ The same goes to you, Mate. Holler if you need me, yeah? I’ll come running,” She’d paused thoughtfully, “Like, erm, I dunno, the slightly mad milk-maid to your knightliness.”

Archie laughed, slinging an arm around her. Rae gave his shoulder a pat.

She’d meant what she said. She would do anything for Arch, and god knows he needed confidence today. Archie was perfectly sweet, politeness oozing from the pores on his handsome face; he was fit, smart, good at footie, and practically every girl in town wanted a shot at him.

He was also incredibly, irrevocably gay. And still _very_ much in the closet. Rae was the only one who knew, and she would take the secret to the grave if her friend wanted her to. Archie wasn’t ready for the world to know, and that was enough for her. She would be the wall for him to lean on in his time of need.

“Oi, all.” Rae’s eyes widened at the sound of the voice, and she couldn’t bring herself to look as Archie shifted next to her.

“Alright, Mate?” Archie called out in reply. Rae shut her eyes tight and took a deep, hopefully fortifying breath.

When she opened her eyes, Finn Nelson stood in front of her, still very beautiful and now heartbreakingly close. He didn’t look too happy to see her (not that she could blame him), but he made an attempt to smile at her, however hesitant he seemed.

“Alright, Rae?” He said, and Rae just nodded, not trusting her voice at the moment.

The energy in the air had been pretty alright before. Archie gave off waves of cheer, and Chloe was the embodiment of ease, but now that Finn was here, Rae could feel the tension building back in herself.

She had always been nervous about college, but ever since she’d called things off with Finn a week before the start of term, she’d especially been dreading it. She’d successfully avoided him for the last seven days, after he’d told her that he couldn’t be her friend at the moment, that he couldn’t really stand to be around her because it hurt too much. She’d hurt him. And she hated herself with unfathomable passion because of that.

She’d fucked up; lord, had she fucked up. Rae inwardly sighed. Still, it had been the right thing to do. Because, the truth was that she just couldn’t handle being with Finn -- she couldn’t stand it when they were out, and all eyes were on them as if people were thinking: ‘how the hell had he been convinced to go out with someone like _her_?’. She couldn’t stand the fear that coursed through her when things got heated between them, terrified that he’d try to take her clothes off.

The worst part, the thing that really made her seep with guilt at the seams of her consciousness, was the fact that no matter how much she tried to picture it, she just couldn’t see a future with Finn. He was a lovely lad, he really was, but how long would he actually want to be with her? How long before the bliss they had shared would fizzle out into nothingness? Girls talked about how they were so in love, how whenever they looked at their boyfriends they could see their whole lives planned out with them. Rae couldn’t even imagine a year in the future with Finn, let alone white picket fences and white rose wedding bouquets.

Rae couldn’t see a world where he would still be in love with her. He should be with someone like Chloe. Someone pretty and popular and in the same league as he was.

Thinking about it made the dark-haired girl want to run away. She really didn’t want to see him. Not now, not after all the heartbreak that had come with cocking everything up between the two of them.

Rae’s eyes strayed to Finn’s form. He wore a white t-shirt and faded blue jeans that were ripped at the knees. She had to fight the urge to bite her lip.

And definitely not when he was just standing there with his mussed hair, looking like sex in bloody bloke-form. How cruel was the world right now?

“Rae,” Chloe’s voice snapped Rae out of her mental horn-basking moment. “We gonna head in now, Babe?”

“Yeah.” Rae nodded, “‘Course.”

And so, in they went. It was all going fine, up until the more crowded parts of the hallway. It smelled like pencils and off-brand floor cleaner, mixed in with cigarette smoke and teenage desperation in the form of Axe Body Spray. Rae wasn’t bothered too much by that, no that wasn’t the worst bit in the slightest.

The worst of it were the eyes. Dozens of eyes, seeming looking pointedly at where she stood next to Chloe, Finn, and Archie. Three incredibly fit people, oozing confidence and nonchalantly walking about as if they didn’t have a care in the world. Rae was just trying to avoid everyone and everything she could, clutching her backpack strap like it was a lifeline. She felt like her whole body was slowing down, felt the stares burn into her like a torch light.

It was like the eyes knew her thoughts. Like they were saying: ‘Look at this cow. Who does she think she is, being around these people? Who is she fooling? She looks like an idiot, the poor lass.’.

It was enough to make her feel on the edge. The hall was getting smaller and smaller, her footsteps getting louder and slower. The sounds of the hallway, — gossiping girls, the squeak of trainers, the chatter of the students — they were all deafening. She could hear snippets of memories in her ears, of cruel laughing girls; images of her, hiding in the showers, without her towel in the locker rooms at school, of cold dagger-like eyes looking at her like a bug to squash.

Rae could feel her chest growing tighter and tighter. ‘Out’ was all she could think. Out. Out. Out _now_.

The ring of the bell pierced through her eardrums as she stepped away from her friends.

“Rae?” Chloe lifted a perfect brow, “You okay?”

Rae struggled to answer past the roaring in her ears. “Yeah. Good. Um, where are the toilets, then?” She asked Archie.

Archie’s brow furrowed, but he didn’t question her. “‘Round the corner over there,” he pointed. “You going before class?”

Rae nodded, faking a smile as best as she could. “You go on ahead. I’ll meet you lot later, yeah?”

Chloe reached over and gave her shoulder a squeeze, “Alright…”

With one wave Rae was gone, walking at a fast-paced speed once she was out of their sight. She rounded the corner quickly, eyes searching frantically for sanctuary. She saw the ‘out of order’ sign on the toilet’s door, but that didn’t stop her from trying the handle — _fuck_ _it was locked_. She turned, breathing heavy as she placed her back flat against the door.

Where else could she go? Where would no one look for her?

Rae didn’t know why she ran down the stairs to the fire exit. She didn’t know why she pushed open the door. She guessed her body just reacted, like a race-car driver hyped up on adrenaline, and before she knew what was happening, she was outside. Outside, out in the fresh air, _safe_. She wished she was home, curled up with her headphones and listening to Weezer.

She wished Tix was here. Rae felt the tension slowly drain from her body, but her eyes burned. Tix would know what to do.

The sound of the alarm blaring inside quickly snapped her back into a state of panic.

“Oh, fuck.” Was all she could find it in herself to say.

“Oh, fuck, indeed.” The voice that came from next to her was deep, sardonic, and really amused.

 _Shit_. She hadn’t known anyone was out here.

Whipping her head to the side, Rae’s mind went blank as she caught sight of the boy next to her.

He was a tall male, stocky in a solid sense, with pale skin and a fag ready to be lit clutched in his hand. He wore dark jeans, a faded High Fidelity graphic t-shirt, and a water-resistant, black bomber-jacket. Thick, incredibly curly hair was tousled, blowing slightly in the breeze, covering his face as he leant down to light his cigarette.

He snapped the wheel on his lighter, sparking his fag to life, before looking up at her. Lips, slightly pink, a rounded nose, thick, brown eyebrows. His eyes were hazel in the sunlight.

 _Lord_. The thought flitted through her mind without any of her input. _Tix, I’ve really fucked up this time._

Present moment Rae shook her head, as if that would hopefully rid her thoughts of the events (and the people) of the day. She huffed a breath as she approached the group therapy room’s door.

After she’d basically screwed herself over thoroughly at school, she’d gone to Kester in tears. Tears about feeling like a mess. About Finn. Mostly about Tix. About how guilty she’d felt not going to the funeral, how badly she missed her friend.

Tix was a beautiful soul, someone who you could trust with your heart who would never even think about breaking it. Why did Rae get to be here and Tix didn’t? How was that fair? It wasn’t.

She’d gotten all the crying out. Visiting the cemetary had been something she’d wanted to do for a long time, having been too terrified, too heartbroken to go before. No matter how much it hurt, it felt like she did the right thing. Delivering her letter, seeing her friend off. Saying goodbye. Tix deserved a goodbye, she deserved a good send off, and Rae needed to finally give her one.

The dark-haired girl pushed open the door, trudging her way into the room with all the enthusiasm of a lethargic sloth. Kester had been adamant about her coming to group, but Rae didn’t really feel like that would help her much.

After all, she was still fat and still mad. And now she just couldn’t wait to tune all of the world out.

She felt a little better when Danny, who wore the same smile, but was now hatless, gave her a big hug. He still smelt of cheap sweets and familiarity; it was a nice thing.

“Alright, everyone?” Kester called out from the front of the room. “Welcome to group therapy.”

Everyone took their seats. Rae plopped herself down next to a bloke who had his head down hanging over his knees, like he would rather be anywhere else but sitting there in the room. Kester’s blue eyes were questioning as he made eye-contact with her.

“Lets just jump right it. Has anyone got anything they’d like to share this week?” He said, and Rae felt the ache of hurt spread through her. She shook her head. No. No, she didn’t want to talk about any of it.

Kester took this with just a little bit of disappointment flashing in his eyes, but he questioned her no further. “Alright. Liam,” he cleared his throat, “What about you?”

The bloke with his head hanging about sighed deeply, slowly lifting himself to acknowledge the therapist. Rae’s eyes widened.

“Different week,” Cigarette Boy shrugged, “Same old bullshit.” He pulled a funny face, as if taking the question seriously wasn’t something he could possibly bring himself to do.

Rae didn’t bother to hide her surprise when his head turned her way. He appraised her for a moment, before his lips twisted upward the slightest bit.

Hazel eyes smiled at her.

_Oh, fuck. The beginning of this school year was really turning out to be something._


End file.
